Author: musicvideoreviewer

REVIEW #15: I’M THE ONE- DJ Khaled, Justin Bieber, Quavo, Chance the Rapper, Lil Wayne

 

It’s not even 2 PM and I’ve listened to this song upwards of 10 times today. When I told my friend Kiki this, she commented that Bieber looks like a criminal in this video, so I stopped everything I was doing at work to watch it. There’s a lot here to talk about here, so let’s get started:

-One of the top 10 decisions of the past 2 months of my life was following DJ Khaled’s baby on Instagram.

-Riding a horse in high heels is INCREDIBLY DANGEROUS. We are already off to a great start—this video will not be rooted in the realities of equestrian safety. That type of devil-may-care attitude can make for an excellent video.

-I don’t want to like DJ Khaled, but I’ve got respect for him. Having said that, he should not try to dance in his videos. Especially when Bieber is around.

-Bieber does look kind of like a criminal. The bleached hair is very edgy. I love all of his clothes.

-The girl on the horse gets old pretty quickly. This motif is a little overplayed throughout the video. However, I understand that it is probably appealing to other audiences.

-You can tell it was kind of overcast the day they shot.

-I wonder what Chance thinks of DJ Khaled? Like, on a personal level.

-Weed pens are tite.

-Pretty sure that’s not the right way to play croquet, Quavo. I’ll allow it because I would seriously wear all of his outfits in this video.

-Can’t really tell what Khaled is presenting in that white box. Ineffective marketing. Good thing I’m pausing this video so often. Turns out it’s a Kandy Pen, which looks like a gold weed pen? Can check it out here: https://www.kandypens.com/ …only $139.95, pretty reasonable….

-Did Lil Wayne get new teeth? And is he okay? Points for the literal eye roll—I love that type of kitsch in a video.  Him using the bottle as a phone might be my favorite part. Man I’ve missed this guy!

-We FINALLY get a change of scenery as the party moves to the driveway around 4:20 and we FINALLY get some good dancing from these girls! However, it is quickly ruined by Khaled’s whack dance moves. Seriously the last minute of the video is hellish with how much Khaled dancing there is. Oh my god.

-Khaled leading the girl on the horse toward the beach in the twilight of the video leaves me with the question: Who is THE ONE? Is it supposed to be Khaled? He clearly thinks that he is “the one.” I obviously disagree and have actually come to hate him after watching this video.

I had sort of assumed that it was Bieber when I was listening to it, but deep down knew that Chance is really THE ONE. After a critical watch, my hot take: WAYNE IS ACTUALLY THE ONE and always has been. For further proof, please refer to his interview with Katie Couric: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QF5sKeuD2Ck

OVERALL GRADE: B-

There’s a lot of good material in this video (the baby, weed pens, outfits, Bieber, etc.), but no plot, not a ton of great/impressive dancing, and the girls were underutilized and not very cool. The party didn’t look really fun. Dare I say, should have involved Chris Brown in this song? Could have been a B if DJ Khaled hadn’t appeared in the video. Actually, I’d have given it an A- if he hadn’t appeared past the first 30 seconds just because I like the song that much. A feud (between DJ Khaled and this blog) is born.

dj khaled is a loser

Seriously, look at this loser. 

 

 

RAPID FIRE

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Shout out to this blog’s grandfather!

Some of these videos will be reviewed in depth here eventually, but most of the original verbal reviews were never transcribed.

If you really need to know why a video received a certain grade, comment below and I’ll make sure to dedicate a full post to it in the coming weeks.

REVIEW #14: TROUBLE – P!NK

I don’t really know what possessed me to watch this. Just sitting at work, needed a little brain-break, decided to watch a P!nk video. Anyway, Wild West concept. Idk how the whole town knows she’s “trouble,” but they all know as soon as they see her. Wonder if it has anything to do with the tiny hat she is wearing. That actor named Jeremy (I think?), who’s actually a good actor and is pretty well known now, is in this video. Was this his big break? Made in 2003– time really flies! Good for him. [Editor’s Note: I was right, his name IS Jeremy, and he is actually pretty famous. Click here for full filmography: http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0719637/ . Bio is actually worth reading too!]

So P!nk is dressed like a whore and the bartender won’t serve her (maybe because she just started a huge brawl outside right before walking in) (we’ve all been there) and she goes to jail. This guy Jeremy is the jail keeper and ***SPOILER ALERT*** she acts slutty and turns the tables and BREAKS OUT and cuffs HIM to the jail bars (great work, P!ink). Then she goes back to the bar and rekindles the fight and THEN goes upstairs and frees the other whores because the place is apparently a brothel. [Editor’s Note: this video seems pretty historically accurate… possibly based on a real whore uprising? Comment below if you’re a historian!]

THEN she goes out and frees all of the horses that were tied up and whips Jeremy the actor and all of the whores start beating him up. P!nk rides away, a hero, and the whole town is reminded that she is TROUBLE.

Narrative grade is an easy A.

OVERALL GRADE: B.

(No dancing, except for the can-can at the end, but plenty of fighting, and an overall theme of female empowerment.)

REVIEW #13: THE HILLS – THE WEEKND

Narrative starts strong. CAR CRASH!

Actually, narrative becomes very weak. He’s just limping down the street the whole time.

Ok this video is stupid. If there’s not a twist at the end it’s getting a D.

Is he in hell? Yeah, that’s gotta be the twist. So he dies in the car crash at the beginning and then he goes to hell. Turns out that hell is 1 weird old guy and 2 whores in a bedroom with weird red lighting. Such a letdown.

GRADE: D. Waste of my time. Perfect for Review #13, because you are unlucky if you watched this whole video!

REVIEW #12: PLAY NO GAMES – BIG SEAN FEAT. CHRIS BROWN, TY DOLLA $IGN

THROWBACK. Fresh Prince types of stuff. LOTS of celeb cameos– there’s French Montana!! It’s sort of like a black “Friends.” Narrative is engaging.

wtf– a little person? a sex tape? what’s going on?

Big Sean keeps fucking.

Overall the video is not fantastic but the sitcom theme is very unique and highly watchable. Plus– Breezy. And awesome clothes.

GRADE: B. Solid B.

Review #11: F*ck Up Some Commas- Future

First of all, what does it mean to “fuck up some commas?” Hopefully this video will shed some light on this very relevant issue.

Omg Future’s red coat is hahhhhht. Would love to have that coat. And that’s one of the biggest beanies I have ever seen.

A lot of fire– is that how you “fuck up commas”? Very visually-focused. A little bit of dancing, but the scenes change quickly.

Can’t really tell what the setting is.

Lighting money on fire!

Future wears glasses? Cool.

Fog at the end.

Overall, it’s alright.

GRADE: B+

Review #10: King Kunta- Kendrick Lamar

OMG. Strong Compton theme and very into it from the get-go. Obviously a great tune on its own. Oh and there’s a baby wearing sunglasses! And a chick with a “bae” shirt, but somehow not annoying! It’s just cool. It’s an A already.

I love it. Could watch it all day. (Editor’s note: watched it 2 more times within the hour, showing it to different people as an example of an A video)

This type of video is what I like to call a “slice of life,” just showing you what a normal day for Kendrick Lamar is like. There’s also a guy in a wheelchair, which is good.

Long live Kendrick.

OMG HE IS WEARING A PATS JACKET I JUST NOTICED THAT… this boosts the video’s grade from an A to its final grade of…..

GRADE: A+++ 

*Editor’s note: Free Brady.